365 days prior to bucket making class
I got a call from my brother Joe in California saying that he had time on his hands and wanted to learn how to make a barrel. We all tend to go through our own version of "mid-life crisis" and since he is hitting the big "50" I chalked it up to that. I wanted to placate him so I told him that it sounded like a fun thing to do. Mistake #1.
I got a call from my brother Joe in California saying that he had time on his hands and wanted to learn how to make a barrel. We all tend to go through our own version of "mid-life crisis" and since he is hitting the big "50" I chalked it up to that. I wanted to placate him so I told him that it sounded like a fun thing to do. Mistake #1.
364 days prior to bucket making class
Joe called again and said we were now registered!!! I said registered for what? Bucket making classes of course! He said they didn't have barrel making classes so we might as well start off on a smaller scale. Oh...hehehe.... sure! He can't be serious I thought. In hindsight, I guess I should have said that out loud. Instead I said, "Great...sounds like fun". A year is a long time away I said to myself...lots of things can happen. Nothing to worry about.
363 days prior to bucket making class
Joe called again and said not only do they offer a bucket making classes, they offer another 2 day course on making our own tools to make the buckets. "Great" I say. (Mistake #2)
90 days prior to bucket making class
Joe calls again and tells me he now has his plane tickets! I guess he is serious. Still 3 months away and lots of things can happen I say to myself!
60 days prior to bucket making class
Joe reconfirms with the school in Michigan and the class is on! Good thing we registered a year in advance before the class filled up! Now how am I going to break the news to my wife Arely that her husband is about to take off a week and go to Kalamazoo, Michigan to make buckets?
45 days prior to bucket making class
Joe advises me that he purchased two pairs of matching bib overalls. I guess I have to tell Arely now that her husband is abandoning her for a week. It looks like it is really going to happen.
3 days prior
Joe faxes me a list of tools that we will need. It is all Greek to me! Out of the list of 40 tools we need to bring, I recognize the words "pencil" and "file". Having sat behind a desk all of my adult life, I am familiar with those two words. Joe says not to worry, he will pick up the tools and bring them to Chicago. At this point I realize I am not getting out of this expedition so I best go rent a car...and oh yeah...tell my wife Arely. Arely can't believe her husband is going to make buckets and has a few comments that can't be published here about two men suffering from a mid-life crisis!
Day 1
Joe arrives at O'Hare Airport with tools in hand and after a mandatory stop at SuperDawg (best hot dog place in the universe), we make our way to Kalamazoo, Michigan. On the way over we lay out our game plan. Thank God Joe has some experience with the tools he is bringing. We arrive around 6pm and check out Tiller's Farm where we will be for the next four days
Joe faxes me a list of tools that we will need. It is all Greek to me! Out of the list of 40 tools we need to bring, I recognize the words "pencil" and "file". Having sat behind a desk all of my adult life, I am familiar with those two words. Joe says not to worry, he will pick up the tools and bring them to Chicago. At this point I realize I am not getting out of this expedition so I best go rent a car...and oh yeah...tell my wife Arely. Arely can't believe her husband is going to make buckets and has a few comments that can't be published here about two men suffering from a mid-life crisis!
Day 1Joe arrives at O'Hare Airport with tools in hand and after a mandatory stop at SuperDawg (best hot dog place in the universe), we make our way to Kalamazoo, Michigan. On the way over we lay out our game plan. Thank God Joe has some experience with the tools he is bringing. We arrive around 6pm and check out Tiller's Farm where we will be for the next four days
Day 2
We get up at the ungodly hour of 7am! Joe goes in search of his daily caffeine intake at the front desk. After a quick breakfast at Perkins (Joe doesn't care for Denny's but that is another story) we make our way to Tiller's Farm. We get a briefing from our instructors and the day begins. Safety is of an utmost concern and they ask how many people have operated band saws. Since I don't even know what a band saw is, my hand did not go up. I look over at Joe and his hand isn't up either! I look around the room and the other 10 students do have their hands up...even the 14 year old teen - Nate. I guess that means that Joe and I will be at the bottom of the 
learning curve. Day 1 is solely dedicated to making 2 items: a croze and some "simple" templates. (Don't worry...I didn't know what a croze was either).
learning curve. Day 1 is solely dedicated to making 2 items: a croze and some "simple" templates. (Don't worry...I didn't know what a croze was either). We get our safety instructions on the band saw: "Don't push your hand into the saw" and set off to make our templates. After that, we start on the croze. Joe and I both seem to be at least 2 hours behind our fellow students but we push on. We break at noon for a lunch up at the big house and get a treat afterwards - a video. Bad news...we don't get to request one to our liking (Die Hard, Forest Gump, Rocky). Good news...we haven't ever seen this video before - The Swiss Cooper. Unfortunately the 89 year Swiss cooper didn't speak a word of English so we had to improvise and guess what he was saying. Good thing for us he only said 7 words during the complete video! "Gut" (good) was the only word I understood.
After lunch it is back to my favorite tool-the band saw! This time we graduate from cutting wimpy wood (cedar) to cutting forged METAL! We get our second safety lecture and instructions: "Don't push your hand into the saw". I do a finger count before and after entering the metal shop. By 5pm Joe and I have caught up to our fellow students and we have finished making the one tool - a croze. I have no idea what it is but it sure looks different than what my colleagues made! I pray that nobody wrote their names on theirs so I can do a "switcheroo" in the middle of the night.Day 3
Up at the crack of dawn again and over to Perkins for breakfast. (I really prefer Denny's but Joe seems set on not going there). Joe drinks his daily 2 gallons of coffee and it is off to the Farm again. Today we get into the really fun stuff ...the blacksmith forge! We take some perfectly fine metal and stick it in a 6,000 degree oven! Imagine 12 persons carry around sheets of red hot metal in an area some would call a big walk in closet! We all did some fancy dancing to stay out of the way and luckily nobody got branded! We made two additional tools that I like to call tool #1 and tool #2 because I can't remember their correct names. We pounded 'em, dipped 'em in oil, pounded 'em again, buried them in dirt and shined 'em up. Joe's and mine might not have been the most functional but they sure were the shiniest. We got out of there by 5pm and had a beer to celebrate our new status in life - we are honest to god blacksmiths now!
Day 4
Day 4Our morning pilgrimage to Perkins at 7am ("Would it kill you Joe to go to Denny's just once?) and off to the farm to start making the buckets. We are shown some wood and told to cut short slats against the grain. After 5 trips to the instructor to ask him about the direction of the grain, he ends up drawing lines on the wood for me to cut. I guess some people are better at figuring out "grain direction" than I am. This of course puts Joe and I an hour behind the other students again. (Thank God Joe is there to keep me company).
After we cut out 15 slats (that's what I call them but I think the "Coopers" call them staves). It is time for lunch and another video. Unfortunately I had to listen to Joe's snoring the night before so I fell asleep during the video and I can't tell you much about it. I do remember a guy in long hair wearing funny pants however. I am not sure if that is what all Coopers wear or not. After lunch it is back to the wood shop. Since we are making the buckets like they did back in the 1700s, we can't use any fancy power tools (Bye band saw). We do get to sit on a log that holds those slats we cut out. The log also has a name (mule? donkey? 
or some other farm animal).
or some other farm animal).I look around and judge that we are now about 18 hours behind our fellow students. The 14 year old is almost finished his bucket. We assemble the slats (staves) by putting all 14 inside two metal rings. This first slat is held in place with a finger or any other appendage. I found my nose to be very helpful with this task. The second slat is held in place with my finger, the 3rd with my elbow, 4th with my mouth and then I ran out of appendages. After 293 attempts, I am successful and get all of the slats put into the right place. Unfortunately I wasn't listening during the lecture and didn't hear the part about "tapering" the slats (ie making one end wider than the other). It seems I made a great beer stein instead of a bucket. I have to go back now and taper the damn things! Misery loves company and it seems that Joe has a beer mug as well. By 8pm, Nate (14 year old) and his dad, Steve, take pity 
on both Joe and I and lent us a hand. They take 20 minutes to do what Joe and I have been trying to do for the past 4 hours. We finally get out of there at 9pm and are the last ones to leave (go figure).
on both Joe and I and lent us a hand. They take 20 minutes to do what Joe and I have been trying to do for the past 4 hours. We finally get out of there at 9pm and are the last ones to leave (go figure).Day 5
Graduation Day! We start off the morning by going to Perkins (Joe, you couldn't let me go to Denny's even once?).
Today is the day we finish the buckets! We need to shave them so they are circular on the outside (using tool #3) as well as on the inside (using tool #4) and put an indent on the bottom inside so we can slip in a circular flat board. Without this board, the bucket wouldn't hold much water. This indent is made using tool # 5...oh wait..i do know the name - a croze! (See day #2)
Today is the day we finish the buckets! We need to shave them so they are circular on the outside (using tool #3) as well as on the inside (using tool #4) and put an indent on the bottom inside so we can slip in a circular flat board. Without this board, the bucket wouldn't hold much water. This indent is made using tool # 5...oh wait..i do know the name - a croze! (See day #2)
By now I have mastered the art of asking "Gee...how do I do this?" with a stupid look on my face and watch as my frustrated instructor does it for me! This puts me about 45 minutes ahead of Joe in my bucket making progress.
Now we get to play with some real "macho" tools - an anvil and some rivets! With a little more effort, we get the last of the rings on the buckets and have now officially become "Coopers"!
After that it was onto Akron, Ohio to the judging contest to see who made the best bucket. The judges that showed up were our Dad (Frank), sister (Kitty), brother (Tony) and sister-in-law (Cri). We did a water test and my bucket did hold water for the first 10 minutes! The judges were too politically correct to announce a winner.
Long and short of it, I really enjoyed myself and the new skills that I acquired and can be put to good use if anyone needs a wooden bucket that only leaks a little bit.
Prior to leaving, Joe mentioned something about going to Alaska to take some glass blowing classes. I really think it is a ruse to run the Iditarod. Needless to say, I am putting my caller ID to good use these days!
(Editor's Disclaimer)
This blog is based on Chris' version of reality which may or may not be the same as Joe's or that of my wife's. Any errors in spelling or grammar however can be blamed on me. Hey...I'm a Cooper..not a writer!)
